dessperation

I’m so lonely and lost I always have been, and I'm tierd im tired of being me I’m never going to get anywhere and yes I know its cause of me and my on lack of desire but I don’t want to do this anymore I’m in too much pain for too long and being the person I am I know I'm just going to throw myself into more and more heartache, but I can’t help it every time someone offers me an out of this dismal pathetic life of destitute I run into their arms even though I see their  cheshire cat smiles and hear their sneers behind their perfect rows of teeth and each time they leave me winded and more broken and twisted than before but no one wants to hear it no one wants to see me cry “its pathetic”