a broken love 05/11/06 entry in a lost now found diary 06

WAS I NOTHING TO YOU?

did i mean nothing? can you not find that place in which i used to inhibit, did i not own a place in your heart? why do you throw me away? discard me like soiled toilet tissue? you discard our love like it never happened. To me it was real i knew our love existed i can feel it and you have a castle in my heart filled with lace and giant glass windows stained with pictures of you and i over looking great oaks, im trying to keep it tidy for you i told her you would be back, i told her you were on holiday, just keep it clean but the oaks are changing into weeping willows the skies are darkening and which once a pristine lake now a swamp where only monsters live there, shes getting scared though the castle still stand as i did when you l lived there but shes scared you won come back and the darkness will consume the castle she cant leave for she was made for you she only exists for you and the only world she knows is within the lace and the stained glass windows upon the walls of the castle, shes grieving in your absence she awaits once again she looks beyond the glass windows her outside world is caving in and she waits with her blood red roses and chandelier earrings she begs to be consumed by the darkness like the lake and the great oak trees no hope no company than that of her tears in your castle in my heart above my soul, she stood at the first stained glass window that held her first memory on the beach in the car seeing you holding a baby, what a picture she stands there not daring to peer passed the window holding onto the lasting perfections of what was for days shes standing there not wanting to close her eyes in fear of the darkness taking over the beauty preserved in what light there is beyond the memory of your first appearance. when she was created (missing entry) 

she stand in the dark in what rubble is left of the castle made for you holding the blood red roses once vibrant with life now dry and dead like the world where she once lived careless with a false sense of safety now becomes her tomb like the blood red roses and the only light is that from the chandelier earrings a gift from you, once glistined like the pristine lake now glistening like the blood dripping from the monsters teeth. the darkness has now taken over her world now the stained glass windows are now a blackened nightmare of the past the pictures of your caring face once full of love now seeming like a ghostly haunting her last glance is your ghostly absence the castles foundation begins to shake and squeal with agony as it sinks into the swamp though fear paralyzes her and cursed to live and die in the walls of your loss has over come any human feelings

R.I.P  the lady in the castle filled with lace and stained glass windows