a stranger as me

A little more about me latlely: Ive been having these nightmares and though im not going to dwell into the exact dreams and their content i will explaine my interpretation of them: I think they are my insecurities that are left wanting reassuring and found wanting in fear of not liking the end result of my questioning so at the moment im hoping it will pass but at the same time im still left up at night and counting on alcohol to dull the fear: but in saying that i dnt rely on substance nor do i expect anything but  temporary releif: I have the common fear of loss and humiliation and a common symptom of needing constant reassurance and self reassurance dosnt seem to dull the needing or convince myself of strength or indefinite ease so i am left a stranger within myself.

Hello and welcome to my blog you will find as I go on I am an incoherent mess of contradictions but thats the way I am and i have decided to let it all out there coz alike alot of us i am an creature of emotion and instinctual habits and i also suffer a few what some see as downfalls that magnify this but i see it as the inability to contain my visions. (I cannot spell or make sense so please bare with me) So welcome again to my life as a stranger as me. First I will explane clearly how i am seen out there. 25 Years ago i became a daughter, neice, grandaughter and cousin then as i grew Ive added Freind, lover, neighbour, passer byer, than Mother, Auntie,.........A stranger as me I choose to see the unique and accept that it is unique not for me to change. I seek the unique and miss that there is hardly any left. Im a piner as in sometime I fell like im always at the edge of true beauty but never in the grasp. I try to pass on my willingness to try and accept things tha...